“Out Of The Closet of Despair and Into The Light,” by Christy Caprine.

  

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord. Psalm 40:1-3 NIV

Pregnant, scared, forgotten and sobbing alone as I sat crouched down in the back of my closet desperately praying that God would hear my prayers and tell me what I should do. At 24 years old going into our fourth year of marriage it was definitely not a honeymoon anymore. In that short span of time I learned that I can’t make anyone happy. I am not in control of anyone’s feelings and even if I was pregnant that didn’t mean that our situation would make things a rose garden. Roses still have thorns.  

Growing up I had an AMAZING childhood. Lots of cousins to play with, family barbecues, crab feasts at my grandmother’s house and a ton of joy. When I was a child there was not a care in the world. This may sound funny, but it wasn’t until I was an adult that I started looking at our family dynamics. The women were always there taking care of us kids. My biological father was in and out of my early years, my uncles were in and out of their households, my grandfather was rarely around and we all seemed to congregate at my grandmother’s house. She was the crazy glue that held our family together. She always helped everybody mentally, emotionally and finally at times even if she didn’t have it. She had a soft gentle hug every time you saw her and when she smiled at you it felt as though you were the only one in the world. She had that grandmother way about her.  

A good healthy marriage was not an example in my family, I didn’t have one as a model. I had the love and the “you can do anything in life” kind of support but not the rock solid stay with your mate through thick in thin example for me as a child. Now don’t get me wrong, I do not blame my mom, dad, aunts or uncles for my failing abusive marriage; but I now know that if you want things differently in your own life, you need to have the right kind of mentorship and a different mindset to be the change that you want to see. My family did the best that they knew how and I wouldn’t be the woman I am today if it wasn’t for each person that played an important role then, and continues to do so in my life to this very day.

God designed the perfect plan for me before I was even a thought on my parents’ minds and has been wooing me ever since. He put the right people, circumstances, trials and experiences in my path just so I could come and taste to see that He is good (Psalm 34:8). Reading my bible, learning God’s ways and getting closer to my Creator is really what life is all about. It has been a long struggle; I even kicked and screamed a few times on my way to getting closer to Him, but He had a specific plan for me as He does for everyone on the face of this earth.  

I wish I could tell you that I stayed in that marriage, had our son and lived happily ever after, but that is far from the truth. 

But what I can tell you is that while I was in that closet even though I didn’t understand it, I was thanking God for what He was planning to do.

I didn’t know how things would work out, I didn’t know when things would work out, but I knew that God certainly heard my cries that night and He had a BEAUTIFUL plan for me. God did lift me out of that pit, He did set my feet on His rock, He gave me a new song to sing and if you trust in Him (Proverbs 3:5) you will see and hear that our GREAT Lord has been wooing you, too, before time began.

 About Christy Caprine:

Christy is a wife and mother of two and lives in California with her husband of 16 years. She believes that everyday is a reason to rejoice, and generously shares her enthusiasm with those God places in her path. Christy is deeply passionate about helping others discover their purpose in God’s Plan.

  

On a more personal note:

During a most difficult and transitional time in my life, Christy was (and continues to be) instrumental in being the bright and shining light that God has designed her to be.  We have shared some of the BEST Girlfriend Times this side of Paradise, and also some of the BEST FOOD on the planet.  Christy was one of those beautiful people that God placed in my corner of the world and brightened it up with her love, her smile, and her embrace.  Much love to this special woman of God!